”And those whose hearts are fixed on Reality itself deserve the title of Philosophers.” (Plato, 380BC)
Three weeks have passed by and I didn’t do anything but praying and meditating in the hope of purifying my mind and heart. I do not study and I feel horrible. I can’t get him out of my mind. Him, the perfect idiocy of love and imprudence of a soul mate. I don’t know if he is real in my mind, because the real person is such a waste of air and a disgrace upon the human kind. So its probably a trick my mind is playing on me trying to make me believe that utter exuberance and exhilaration is being wasted by my own hands. But the idea that maybe I did lose hold with reality and my sub conscious has been messed up and couldn’t realize the difference between the past foolishness of my decisions and between the actual reality and its’ good aspiring possibilities of an honest present saluting me with a kiss.
I wanted it to be true more than anything else in the world because I took a good care of that pure innocent feeling I had for him and I hid it deep inside me as it was the most precious thing in my life. Sometimes I was so transparent in front of him that I thought there is no way that he knew how I felt towards him. The thing is he was never there for me when I needed him most, or thought I did. I tried loving someone else and it ended in such a nightmarish way. I moved on, or so I thought. I tried getting him out of my life but he always popped in back some way or another and he confused me a lot.
Sometimes I think that all this love in my heart for him has expanded due to the fact that I was so in love with him that I started creating my own image of him; how perfect, kind and understanding he is; how much he is talented and just magnificently beautiful !Because when I think about it now and ask my self how much do I really know him? Not that much really…. But I loved him the moment I saw him. Not because he has a wonderful smile or intellectual or into music or anything so earthly shallow, but because I felt a connection with his soul and felt something like a spark in my mind and heart.I escaped back at the time knowing that he was in love with someone else. And I was so good at escaping and I still am ! But you can always run but can never hide I guess.
The fact is, that beautiful pure ”love balloon”, funny name, in my heart for him has been blown and it got scattered all around my soul while am trying so hard to gather it all back on my own but its all vanishing and evaporating leaving nothing but a sweet memory.
Sometimes I almost believe that reality is just like what Plato thought is to be; in the form of two separate worlds : “Ideas” and their “material” expression.” The world of “Ideas” or “Forms” constitutes the highest form and the most basic expression of reality. The material world which “merely shadows” Ideas and which we perceive though our five senses is only secondary to Ideas because the former is subject to change, and therefore, is imperfect and inferior relative to “Perfect” and “Absolute” Ideas. For example, the “Idea of a Chair” is superior to an actual material “chair” because the latter is subect to the effects of wear and tear, may one day turn into miserable slivers of wood, rot altogether and cease to exist, whereas the “Idea of a Chair” inside our heads is unchanging, indestructible, and therefore, superior to the material chair and “real.” In other words, the world of Ideas is real while the material world as we know it is merely a shadow of reality. Makes sense eh !