When you’re sick, so dizzy you can’t even get out of bed, feelings of helplessness and loneliness just pour all over you submerging your head . It’s only natural, I suppose, to contemplate upon life in general with a hint of a pessimistic overview .
Being healthy is more important than anything else in the world.
She gently hands me the medicine and arranges flowers in my room, while checking on me every once in a while.
In such times, I’m once again reminded of how my mother is the only person willing to sacrifice her own peace of mind and time to take care of me and make sure I get better . We have our problems, conflicts and different perspectives , but I am always re-assured that her love for me is infinite and she’d always be there for me . She is the only person who can actually deal with my bad sides patiently, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that she accepts those sides. But she is there … Always there for me no matter what, even if we are both angry as hell and just shouting in the middle of a supposed conversation, she manages to cool down things.
She is the main reason I’m still here.
That said, everything I do is down right horrible. Feelings of guilt and sadness are just filling me up right now because I’d like to be true someday …. Not afraid and fully leading one life. Not having to create and invent …. Just there … Out there … Seen as a whole. Not needing or wanting, just being .
It’s a fact that I can’t and won’t be able to satisfy everyone in my life, including myself.
The months ahead will be the most difficult because I will start taking slow, but drastic actions while fully taking responsibility for the consequences.
I’d like to be one whole entity instead of scattered pieces .
It’s exhausting having to collect back those pieces.