Bored Till Death

Death is a beautiful woman
drenched in blue velvet
while smoking green
in the afternoon.

Death loves black cats
bare skin and constant
colorful melodies and
tunes .

Her red lipstick on the wall
Sweet traces of sweat and tears
Untouched sand and seashores
Red blood moon and a call.

Death is a tight palm tree skirt
And a vintage scarf over her neck
loud screams and several whispers
through the long morning hours.

Death is long lonely summer nights
powdery soft ivory kisses
infinite space within four walls
playful sea lions in the air.

Death is my boredom filling
my empty room and bed
writing on the wall:
”bored till death”
I might as well die

Death is not being
there together.

Copyright 2014

All rights reserved, Asmaa Lotfy

Thoughts on Suicide + personal random thoughts

-It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting when you try to do your best making ppl comfortable ,taking care of details, trying to be the understanding stable person.
Eventually, you’ll always be the one doing mistakes, not trying hard enough or simply not appreciated. And you know how it feels ? It feels like shit ! It feels like a conversation you might have with Samuel Beckett . Your expectations of kindness and affection don’t really go well.
You’ll eventually also get lost through your self, emotions and might have a silent, isolated emotional break down. If no one cares about how you feel, then why should you care all the time ? You’ll always be blamed for how you behave, then it’s better to openly behave as your self since you’ll be blamed either ways.

-The human nature is complex. We are born alone and we die alone.
We won’t be buried with our loved ones, yet we always seek companionship, love, attention and consolation. We long for the human connection. We feel the necessity to be appreciated.  Some ppl move beyond the emotional stream and face the cruelty of life on their own. Those would probably easily and comfortably accept death as the end, life as the existential crisis that one must confront and the complexes of the self. But others feel the depth of loneliness and can’t face the cruelties all alone.

-I will always remember Albert Camus‘ statement ” There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide.”

Suicide is a way out of a gruesome reality. A decision that this life is not what one wants. I don’t see it as an escape. I see it as a brave confrontation with life. A direct statement that the person shall not accept a life that was not his choice, a life that is full of reckless down straight violence and pain.

Thomas Szasz , a Hungarian philosopher, once said : ”suicide is the most basic right of all. If freedom is self ownership—ownership over one’s own life and body—then the right to end that life is the most basic of all. If others can force you to live, you do not own yourself and belong to them .”

Jean Amery, an Austrian writer, says : ””we only arrive at ourselves in a freely chosen death”

That doesn’t mean that I look down or don’t appreciate people who hold on to our known reality and life. Those people decide to accept their existence and the forces of reality and also decide to react consequently. Belittling anyone’s quests,or ideals is a coward act . Life should be limitless, until of course you die.

I think Religion is the most depressing thing in the universe…. besides humans.

I don’t believe in the after life. I don’t believe in a heaven that highlights sex, food and alcohol as the highest points of an alternate life. If heaven should exist, then it should be something beyond such earthly needs.

Heaven is so boring. I prefer hell.

All the shit about leaving a trace behind you for humanity to remember you is just outright emotional manipulation . Humanity is the most selfish thing , with out of course the few people who were not selfish. 

Crying is not weakness. It’s cheap therapy.

No matter how much advice you are given, eventually the decision is yours and yours only for you will be the only person accepting responsibility for your actions.

Nature is one of the consolations we get for living in a cruel world, yet we don’t do our best to protect it.

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Death

Death is our savior

Death shows us the way

to the real truth

Death is beautiful

Death is high on humans

Death only do us part

Death is angelic but

only misuderstood

Death, be my friend

and share my solitude

Death, blow me anytime

Loving you is not a crime

Death, suck my blood dry

I don’t care, I won’t cry

Death, I give myself to you

fully

unconditionally

I am yours

forever

 

Copyright 2013

All rights reserved, Asmaa Lotfy

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