I don’t know about today
or tomorrow or
Vagueness spreads over
and untouchable changing
We are only wasting time
floating over naked mattresses
painting the unknown
Embracing light and fearing
darkness as it takes me away.
I don’t care if I turn into ashes
tomorrow or disappear through
my sleep tonight.
I won’t mind dissolving through
air and a red sky.
Mud and dark fall scent
over repetitive morning coffee
and stale cigarettes with
old foolish spirits.
She writes out of boredom
out of erotic tendencies
slipping through her mind
like black silk undergarments
and gods kissing swiftly through
different dimensions and worlds.
She changes with different seasons
not knowing what to expect
losing and gaining silence
and in between:
she feels everything and she feels
losing some of her braincells
and hurting her ability to
Staying any longer
will only destroy than
Too much suffocation.
Thank you for bringing me to this life, unwillingly, having no choice
Thank you for planting in my head your beliefs, customs and traditions
Thank you for raising me according to your lost childhood dreams
Thank you for giving me food, shelter, education all inside a box
Thank you for panicking about my teenage years by telling me
not to touch my vagina as my husband is the only person who should. —-
Thank you for always underestimating me and confining me to certificates and degrees. Thank you for promising me freedom if only I make a good image of the family. Thank you for lying to me all the time. Thank you for my childhood memories where I was beaten by a leather belt every time I do a mistake or misunderstand something while studying.
Thank you for forcing me to hate my body image when I was only 5 Thank you for telling me I was too thin and then too fat
Thank you for all the support you gave me when I was struggling to understand who I was. —– —– Thank you for not appreciating all my efforts
Thank you for always making me feel guilty when I think of my own needs and dreams. Thank you for always reminding me of my gender and limits of your society and your religion. Thank you for panicking and shouting at me when I had a conversation with you about god and religion. Thank you for making me realize who I really am. Thank you for enlightening me with the real truth without you even realizing it. Thank you for threatening to throw me out of the house and stop giving me money if I keep disobeying you. Thank you for always telling me I’m ugly and no one would want me. Thank you for always fighting with her and inflicting pain upon me. Thank you for pushing me to the edge . Thank you for making me distorted, gasping for understanding but always from the wrong people. Thank you for not keeping me in mind. Thank you for not coming to my graduation. Thank you for panicking whenever I have a phone call. Thank you for always calling me whenever I’m not at home. Thank you for not trusting me on your special hymen. Thank you for everything you ever did for me. Thank you for always reminding me of the thing you’ve done for me. Thank you . Thank you. And thank you .
Tomorrow is the today I delayed Today is the painful time I have to endure Blue rosemary and coffee trees I’m through with your existence I’ve seen my colorful tears once before Right after the emptiness I had to endure
Have you seen those huge imprints over fingertips and footsteps? Your smile is enough to build a whole graveyard. Give up the trust, take in all the stardust, and give in to your goosebumps. I’d like to see you jump over a cliff or a building someday Watch your blood splattered body and brain covering the ground and cuddling it instead of my shivering body. I’d like to kill you sometimes and make you choke on purple feathers. I’ll take you slowly and lure you in towards the inner caves of mystic dwellings. Don’t go too wild though ”Wait for it”, they say Wait for it until your corpse decay. The lights will stink just for you. The sky will leak just for you. And I will caress your vocal cords with my own bare hands.